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Empowering Your Kids

What is a conscious parent?

A parent who guides their children to know what they know through question.

What the heck does that mean?

When a parent is in question with their child (not trying to answer the question, mind you), the parenting possibilities for...well, anything are unlimited.

Why would I want to parent this way?

When you parent from a space of question, kids thrive. They feel safe to answer what is real for them instead of feeling like they need to get the answer right.

Ok, fine (said with arms crossed), give me an example.

Sure. Can you make that last demand into a question?

(Eye-rolling) What does an example of conscious questioning look like?

Awesome. Yes. That. You just asked a conscious question.

Let me offer you a more traditional way of questioning, first.

Parent: Did you have a good day at school, Honey?

Child: Yes.

Parent: What happened?

Child: Nothing. Not much. Stuff. The usual. (Walks away.)

Now, try one of the many conscious parent ways of questioning.

Parent: Hey Honey. I’m curious, what was the best part of your day, today?

Child: (Has to become present with the question because it’s not a linear response.)

Well, _________ was fun today. (Or, today was terrible.*)

Parent: Cool. What made ________ fun?

Child: (Insert a variety of responses and a conversation ensues.)

See, when you ask, “did you have a good day at school?” - you imply that having a good day is required. This puts a child on the defensive. What kids hear: “tell me you had a good day at school because that’s the right answer”. Any response other than “yes” screams failure from a child’s point of view. Ultimately, children wish to please their parents, so they begin limiting themselves in order to fit into their parent’s reality, thus losing a bit of themselves in the process. WHICH, if you are reading this, is most likely not your intention as a parent - you simply want a chance to connect with your child. (*If terrible is the response, "getting to gratitude" is the next step in the conversation.)

Curious for more conversations, pragmatic tips and tools for conscious parenting? Join me online for my monthly series, Empowering Your Kids program.

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